Resident Testimonials

The True Meaning of Grace

Karis represents the true meaning of Grace. Without the Grace that I have been shown by the staff and community at Karis, I would not be where I am today. Everyone who is involved with this place has in some incredible way had a hand in my well-being.

After a long struggle through intensive residential hospital stays since the age of thirteen and several suicideattempts, I was left with low self-esteem, severe impulsive behaviors, and a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, OCD, and extreme anxiety. I came to Karis in September 2005 ready to change, but I quickly got distracted from my goals and left on an impulse early one morning. Guilt flooded my heart after my departure and the events that followed. I finally realized that my life needed to be sorted out and that it needed to happen at Karis. I started the process all over again—re-applying, interviewing, waiting, going through the first thirty days, and so on. I was graciously re-accepted by the community, and am earning back trust with staff, friends, new residents, and family.

I have been at Karis for two months now, and I have begun to order and fill my own meds alone, learning doses and names, too. I pay my rent and bills on time. I am cooking and successfully completing my chores.

After having a down night and talking it out with the wonderful staff here, I realized something: you can take what you are dealing with and change it for the better, or you can let it pull you down, down so far that it affects you as well as others around you. So I am taking the opportunities I have to be happy, to help, to learn and to be me! One thing I have to do is learn to love me, and that will take some time. Here at Karis is the best place to work on it. Therefore, I will take this moment to thank all the people who have shown Grace to me: the board members, volunteers, the staff, and the community. Thank You!

Day by Day

It is hard to know where to begin to describe my experiences at Karis. I have been here six months, and the time has just flown. Because of my struggles with cutting, I had to wait three months to get into Karis. The waiting was difficult, but it was beneficial, because when it was time to come to Karis I was ready and really wanted to be here. I think if I hadn't come to Karis, I would have ended up dead. I was so ill and couldn't see any other way out. I had tried all the things that are supposed to help, but nothing really did. Even though I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress syndrome only three years ago, I have been suffering from mental illness since adolescence. I have attempted suicide three times and have been hospitalized five times. I have never been able to deal with my childhood abuse and work through it. My mental illness has affected every area of my life and has kept me from having a life. I want to be able to enjoy simple things, like taking a bath, or falling asleep without being afraid, or having someone hug me. I want to be able to have good friendships with people without being scared that they are going to leave me. There is so much to learn, and the process of growing is so slow. I try to give myself as much patience as I give to others. It is a daily struggle.

At Karis I found hope. I found a place where people accept me as I am, care about me, and are glad to see me. It has been a home like I have never known. It took me a long time to adjust, and sometimes I feel like I am still getting adjusted. It is so foreign to live with people who are kind and respectful. It is like living in another country. I have found great comfort in the schedules and order; they help me feel less chaotic and out of control. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have dinner at the same time every night, to have things you can count on, people you can count on. At the end of the day, all I can think about is how much I want to be home at Karis, and I can't wait to get there.

I think I might be one of the few people here who enjoy cooking for a large group, but it is a way I can care for my fellow residents. And although it is stressful, I love cooking something everyone can enjoy. Groups have been very challenging for me for many reasons. I am still trying to open up and trust people. That is one of the main things I hope to work on here at Karis. I have seen some progress, but I have a long way to go. Also, I have a very difficult time with conflict. I am still learning that conflict does not have to mean someone is going to get hurt. The staff at Karis is very helpful and caring. I still really miss the staff who left in the fall; I think that is because I don't like change and not because the current staff aren't just as great. I think what I enjoy the most is the time we sit around and visit, enjoying each other's company. It seems there is always laughter and lively discussion. And when I can't sleep there is almost always someone else up, too.

I worry I won't have gotten enough out of Karis, that in a year and a half I won't be ready to leave. For now, I try to focus on each day, doing the things I need to do to grow and get better, making good decisions and making the most of my time at Karis.

My Life Since Karis

Before coming to Karis, I was warehoused for 13 years in a Capitol Hill boarding home. All my cooking, cleaning, medicating and laundry were done by someone else. I was free to shuffle around the house aimlessly, with nothing better to do than smoke. When I came to Karis in 2000, I was eager to begin finding motivation for my own welfare. Over the next 19 months of my residency at Karis, I began to remember the act of standing on my own two feet. To my own amazement, I found that I still had what it took to act in my own behalf.

For the last three years, I have kept a studio apartment on Capitol Hill. For ten years, I have worked two afternoons a week at the psychiatric clinic across the street answering the telephone. I recently contracted with a reputable publisher who released my first novel, for which I am now getting royalty checks. Karis gave me the time and support to finish the book, which took 26 years to write. I write advertising over the Internet for a marketing council in Florida which supplements my income. I am seeing a woman every Sunday to go to church together, and our relationship can be best characterized as being like two glowing coals.

When I needed it, Karis was there to help me make the transition to living as a regular citizen, a whole person again. I hope Karis will always be there to help refurbish the lives of others who find themselves in a situation like that which I faced.

My Transition from Karis Community

I didn't expect the move out of Karis Community into my own place to bring such huge waves of emotion ranging from sadness, grief, fear, and joy, all at the same time. After all, I had come a long way in my healing while at Karis through working hard to understand, manage and embrace my conditions, welcoming change, working on skills in developing equally respectful relationships, opening my heart to be able to trust people again, and enjoying the home-like environment that Karis creates.

During my rock passing ceremony, it was both joyous and difficult to hear how much people would miss me. I had thoughts such as "Have I made a mistake since I officially don't have to be out until June of 2007?" "My son would never support me again if I changed my mind and decided to stay." "I'm so looking forward to having a beautiful space with lots of light that I will be able to keep very clean and neat."

I hadn't had the opportunity to experience and "take in" celebrations for myself and others for many years until I came to Karis. Those types of social events and real human interaction will always come to mind when I think of the time I spent at Karis. You know, the events where people who care about you actually say so and celebrate your life no matter where you're at mentally, emotionally, or physically.>

The beauty of Karis Community is that the relationships you develop with the staff and residents don't end when you move out. I have had many of my friends from Karis calling me to check in and see how I am doing, as well as to make plans to be together. The staff also shows their concern. I am enjoying my new place and am still in the process of making it my own.

I have such gratitude for Karis Community. My determination is to support the community in whatever way that I can. I want Karis to be there for other people, as it was when I needed so much. Thank you to all staff, board of directors, residents and patrons.

Learning to Trust

As I approach the end of my two-year stay at Karis, I am beginning the transition process and deciding what my support network will be. Karis provides a daily supportive network of people and structure to help us to manage our time wisely, and I have been concerned about how to create my own support system after I leave. I have been collecting phone numbers of residents here at Karis and will join the Focus Group (the group of former residents who meet every two months to check in).

When I arrived at Karis, I had just finished another stay at the hospital. I was not functioning well and couldn't work. My mental illness had made me too scared to trust other people or even myself. Karis' program helped me learn to trust the staff, my therapist and my psychiatrist. I have also learned to trust myself, and as a result I have been able to accomplish much at Karis. I have had a full-time job for a year. I have learned stability, respect, safety, boundaries, and structure, and I have made many friends along the way-enough to provide me with a lifetime of trust.

Life After Karis

I finished the Empowerment Program at Karis Community a year ago. Since then, I have been attending Focus Group meetings every other month. The meetings give us a support system after we leave and are a great opportunity to see former residents and catch up on where we are in our lives. It helps a lot to talk with people who have had common experiences and who understand what others are experiencing in their lives. We also get to share activities, like volunteering for Karis at summer festivals and going to Steamboat Springs with residents for a vacation weekend.

At the meetings we have dinner together. Then we talk about the difficulties and successes in our lives and give each other feedback. I gain strength from hearing about other people's states of mind and where they are in their lives, and I try to share that strength with them and with the residents at Karis.

In the year since I left, I have been working at Karis as the handyman. Being here on a daily basis allows me to share what I learn in the Focus Group meetings with residents. I can tell them from first-hand experience what to expect from life after Karis, what challenges and opportunities they'll face, and the importance of structure and a support system when they leave.

I'm grateful for what I learned at Karis during my stay here and for the opportunity to continue my growth in the Focus Group.

Grateful For Second Chances

I am someone who has struggled with mental illness almost all of my life. I came to Karis Community for the first time over four years ago. At that time I had just moved from another state and found out about Karis from a mental health agency. Karis was truly a life preserver for me at that time.

I see Karis as more than a life preserver this time. I am getting "swimming lessons" this time. The lessons were available to me four years ago but I "didn't sign up for them." I was not at a place emotionally that I could take advantage of all that Karis was offering me. This time around I have goals for myself, I am currently enrolled at Emily Griffith Opportunity School working towards my GED. I would love to work in the field of helping people. A medical assistant is what I hope to be. If this does not work out I know that I will find something that will allow me to contribute to and serve other people because this is what I have experienced from Karis Community. Karis is unique and there is not another place like it in the world, really! The staff is great, although at times they do get on my nerves with emphasis on the "accountability part" of being in the community here. It is a "good" getting on my nerves though. I am grateful to Karis and for a second chance.

Looking for a Sense of Family

I came to Karis Community looking for a sense of family. With the years of shame and guilt, I developed into a person who tends to isolate and I realized that this was an issue that I needed to address. Karis has given me that sense of family.

At Karis, I have felt comfortable and supported as I have processed the pain I have experienced as a Christian gay man. The sense of community that I have experienced has not only helped me to feel more comfortable in social environments, but also has helped me to accept kindness, admiration and love. Karis has truly been a blessing in my life.

Looking Forward to the Next Months at Karis

I moved into Karis four short months ago and my life has changed dramatically. Prior to coming to Karis I was living in total isolation and depression. Each day was a struggle to exist. The more comfortable that the isolation became, so did the depression.

There are so many positives in my life right now. I'm a volunteer for a local organization and am taking a Spanish class. My eating habits are much healthier and I try to work out at least three times a week. I've been able to work with my psychiatrist to go through some appropriate medication changes. Social situations no longer bring on major panic attacks and I've actually enjoyed some Karis social events. I'm looking forward to the next months at Karis and my continued progress, Muchas Gracias Karis!

Getting a Second Chance

I came to Karis about a month ago after suffering from mental illness for fifteen years. I came from an environment where I was rather isolated and didn't have much responsibility. Coming to Karis was a difficult decision.

The staff has been incredibly understanding and encouraging as I have started a period of extensive positive personal growth. I am learning that I cannot withdraw all the time and that it is all right to ask questions, make mistakes, and stand up for myself. I interact with people everyday and am building new relationships in this new and supportive environment. I am very excited about going back to school to update my job skills. I feel like I am getting a second chance.

I Am Learning to Speak for Myself

I came to Karis to be with people of like backgrounds, people who could understand my struggles. My living environment before Karis was strained and uncomfortable. I felt trapped.

Upon my arrival at Karis, I found myself liking the people in the community. The rules and regulations are livable. I am hoping to become more independent during my time at Karis.

The thing I have found helpful while being at Karis is the concept of community. It has made my life easier being with people who believe the best about me. The chores have made me more responsible. The groups have helped me to learn to listen and offer a part of myself to other members. Getting to know the residents better and to be able to trust myself.

I am learning to speak up for myself. I am realizing that this is my responsibility and I am learning to care for myself. I have had to concentrate on myself which has been a bit scary for me. I am used to seeing myself more in a critical light but am learning that there is more good to me than I have realized due to my involvement with the community here at Karis.

Some of the fun things have been karaoke night and the trip to Wild Lights at the Denver Zoo. Celebrating birthdays has been especially fun. The more challenging thing since I have been at Karis is fixing meals for a dozen to twenty four people. When I have been able to complete this task, I have a sense of relief and accomplishment. I have learned that I could never be a cook for a living!

I think the staff is wonderful. In summary, my experience at Karis Community has been a rewarding experience and yet I know there are many challenges that lie ahead for me.

Karis is By Far the Best Place

I came to Karis to get out of my parents' house and start living independently. When I first moved into Karis, it was a slow struggle trying to find the right medications. Since I got on the right medications, things have become smoother. I no longer feel over medicated.

My experience at Karis has been good. I have been able to talk to different people in the community when I have needed to. The groups have been great. They have allowed me to find more about myself and I have learned about myself from other people too. Karis has been a place to grow and find out who I am.

Fun Nights have been a good time while I have been at Karis. I especially thought playing kickball was a blast. I remember E.J. coming into home plate and tripping and falling in muddy water with rocks in it and tore his knees up. They were bleeding and he said, "Let the game continue." He said this because his team was still losing and he wanted to win. This helped me see that I could have a fun time and not need alcohol and drugs. Hanging out with residents and the summer barbecues have been a highlight too. I have also enjoyed men's group and Friday's mixed support group.

The requirement of needing to work or volunteer or go to school has helped me to transition back into the work force. Since getting a job, I have had a steady schedule, developed a routine and paid my own bills (this includes my rent at Karis).

Some of the challenges I have faced while I have been at Karis include learning to get along with different types of people that make me uncomfortable. I am learning better to understand what it is that makes me uncomfortable about these experiences and it helps me not avoid the person but to deal with what I am feeling. I am also learning that I don't need to go to the hospital to get better. I use to think that I always needed to go to the hospital. I used the hospital as a crutch and I went into treatment programs for my depression and alcohol and we would go bowling and do different outings and I did not take it seriously, it was like taking a vacation, getting away from reality and having fun for a while. At Karis I am learning step by step to deal with life on life's terms.

As I continue on my journey at Karis, I hope to keep learning more about myself on a daily basis and how to live life hospital-free, and trust myself so I can manage life and enjoy life even through the up and down times.

Rebuilding a Successful Life

I came to Karis Community in deep depression and anxiety following a four month meditation retreat. I was very suicidal and knew I shouldn't be living alone. Karis has been a lifesaver.

Karis has provided me with structured living. The emphasis has been on getting well and becoming independent. My first months at Karis were spent settling down, trying to achieve some stability. I began regular meetings with a therapist and started medication. I was then encouraged to find work, which I found quickly and have continued since. Work has been an important part of my recovery.

A committed staff has always been available to help me work through the tough spots. Karis has also provided me with the group meetings and activities that provide both a social and healing setting. Building a supportive community, with responsibilities, in which residents can contribute to each other's recovery is the Karis way.

My condition is greatly improved as I now contemplate moving out on my own. Appropriately, I have joined Karis' transition group where residents can discuss the transition to independence and begin to make plans.

From my experience, I cannot overemphasize the importance of communal living to the healing process. With the support of a community, having understanding friends around, I have had a real chance to move beyond the limitations of my disease and begin rebuilding a successful life. Without its support, I might well have become totally lost.

But I Call It My Home

It was about 15 months ago when I was sitting in the hospital, my depression had attacked my soul and my mind was in chaos, I was chaos. My family had split and grown up. I was wondering where I was going to live, work, or how I was going to survive without the closeness of my family. My father had remarried, my brother had married and moved to Alaska and my sister was getting married. My mother too had moved on. My family, the closest of all my relationships, had split apart and gone their own ways. I guess that's what happens when you grow up. I had heard of Karis and what it could offer years before I actually arrived here.

I thought it was a place of "rehabilitation and restriction". My diagnosis of severe depression had me to the point where anything of value was worthless to me. Including myself. I thank God I was wrong.

It is now 15 months later and I have another family. A family that can understand the toll mental illness can take on the spirit and soul. All this because they too have felt like I have and experienced the pain and hardships it can bring. They call this a community. It may be. But I call it my home.

My experiences here have changed my life so drastically that I cannot explain in just 3 paragraphs, how it took me from near death to a life of hope, joy and the anticipation of many great things to come. It has taught me self worth, responsibility and it actually brought out a part of me that I thought died when I was 7 years old. As I approach the time where I must transition and take my leave, I am thankful for all the staff and to the many friends that have moved on and left this place also. There are many boarding houses, halfway house, programs, etc., in this great nation that might try to match Karis, but it is obvious Karis is truly one of a kind.

Love at Karis

Karis mission is to provide a community living opportunity for restoring basic life skills and improving the social well being of individuals recovering from serious and persistent mental illness. How are basic life skills and the social well being improved? According to the Karis brochure, it is through the experience of interaction with others.

So what is the nature of these interactions? Some will be more positive in nature, such as going to get coffee and shooting the breeze. Others will be more confrontational, perhaps talking with someone after community meeting about something upsetting. Some of the interactions include love. I offer two separate proofs that this is the case. The first are my personal feelings. I have felt love at times during my stay at Karis. Second, the successes I have seen here strongly suggest the presence of love. So let's take a look at the way love works at Karis.

People have pondered over, felt, and tried to understand love. In trying to get a handle on the role love plays at Karis, I have decided to look at four types of love that match four different Greek words. One type of love is called storge. Storge can be seen as love which develops between people who are unequal in some way. One example is the love which can develop between a patient and his or her therapist. Another is the love that exists between staff members and residents. Another is present between E.J. and the rest of the staff.

Another type of love is called philia. Philia is love based on friendship or commonality between equals. I felt this love towards Kevin as we sang "Sweet Home Alabama" together on karaoke night. Both Kevin and I now live at Karis, were in the hospital together, and share a love of the Broncos. Karis cultivates both commonality as well as equality and the result is sometimes philia. One example of the cultivation of commonality is the mens' groups, which run on Mondays, and the Womens' group that meets on Tuesdays.

Every effort is made to make sure the residents have equal rights and follow the same rules. We all cook, go to groups and do chores. We all share the reality of serious and persistent mental illness. The combination of a basically fair environment, budding friendships and commonality set the stage quite well for philia.

Next we have agape. I have heard it called simply unconditional love. Theologians have called agape the love of God working in the lives of men. A less theological definition is that it is the type of love given because of the character of the person loving, rather than because of the worthiness of the object loved. Some psychologists claim agape is an advanced stage of cognitive development - that this love arises at the final stages of personal and social development.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. talked on numerous occasions about agape in his sermons. Dr. King bridged the gap between agape and action. He applied agape to the Montgomery bus boycott by using nonviolent direct action. The potential existence of agape demands a specific course of action. It is one thing to feel some love going on a walk with a dear friend you haven't seen for years. It is another thing to feel agape during conflict and difference. One example of agape is that even after a situation arises which leads to a resident being asked to leave Karis, staff maintains the confidentiality of the departed.

There is a separation between the acts that one commits and one's core as a human being. Agape demands that each person has a value and rights solely based on the fact that they are a living, breathing human being. Another example of agape is leading to a specific action is that when someone is put on probation at Karis, the focus is on the behavior and not whether the person is a bad person. Finally there is Eros, which is romantic and/or sexual love. Romantic and sexual relations are not permitted at Karis. This is the case for a variety of reasons, including the exclusivity of that type of relationship. Eros can be a distraction and shifts the focus of the community.

The different types of love present at Karis are all interconnected and work together to enhances the self-esteem and confidence of each resident and cumulatively create a positive environment with each member contributing. When our stay at this transitional facility ends we are hopefully able to meet the outside world, confident and seeking out people who will love us and people who will treat us fairly. Furthermore with storge, philia and agape in place we may indeed be ready for Eros. That is not to say they are necessarily prerequisites: for many couples, Eros was present right away and the philia and agape come in later.

It is my contention that love is an extremely important element at Karis. Much effort is put into making this a community that allows love to flourish. It seems almost as if staff sets the table and we get to sit down and eat and interact and love.

Stronger Than I Thought

Wow! I have been at Karis almost a year. My life is so different. One year ago this week I believed I would never be able to fix what is wrong in my life.

After a two week hospitalization I decided to give life one more try and tried to put into place the things I knew I needed to make life work. I just wanted outpatient treatment, but I had no insurance. I also needed a place to live. Karis seemed like a part of the answer to both needs, but I wasn't sure I wanted to live with 17 other people. I planned to stay the minimum 6 months, get stabilized, and back on my own. I soon realized Karis could help me grow and learn and prevent myself from falling into a familiar low place. So I stayed to learn.

Karis is about learning to look at yourself, learning you're not the only person in the world who has problems, and that it is o.k. to make mistakes. Growth is one step at a time. Growth is taking two steps forward, falling back one, but not giving up. At Karis, if I fall down and pick myself up, the staff and other residents are here to cheer me on, give encouragement, and support to go on.

One year ago last week, I planned to end my life. This year I'm working on plans to open a business of my own, a flower shop. Without what I've learned at Karis I would never be able to even contemplate such a venture. It is only because of my experiences here that I've found the courage to have faith in myself and go after things that I never before realized I was capable of doing.

A Fresh Start

I didn't sleep the night before I moved out of my parents' house and into Karis. I had been questioning my decision to move away from my only known frame of support. That morning I finished packing and waited in fear and excitement to make the drive to my new home. I moved into Karis 51/2 months ago, and from the minute I walked through the door into a warm, caring, supportive environment, I didn't have to question my decision anymore.

I have been battling a severe eating disorder and depression for almost nine years. One of the hardest decisions I had to make in several years was to move into Karis. For so long decisions on treatment were made for me, and now I was making a good decision on my own - for myself. Since I moved into Karis one of the many issues that have started to shift is, making decisions for myself, as an independent adult. I have started to become more social, which is a severe problem that comes along with an eating disorder. I became very isolated, completely cutting myself off from family and friends. You cannot isolate very well here at Karis. The staff and residents care for each other and "have been there." Residents here tend to check up on each other and are very supportive. The structure of required meals, groups and chores have kept me from being totally consumed by my disorder.

I have struggled to keep a job. Through support from my family and the family I have here at Karis, I have kept a full time job for 7 ½ weeks. I have stayed out of the hospital since leaving Children's Hospital in March. A staff member asked me "What do you think is the difference?" The only explanation I can come up with is that there is such wonderful staff here, which is more than willing to check in with anyone when we are struggling or succeeding. I don't have the chance to completely give in to my eating disorder. I have so many goals to achieve - health, school, dance, etc…I know that if I stay here at Karis and make use of everything available to me, things will start to shift and my life will change. I feel privileged and lucky to have found Karis - Thank you.

From Numb to "Alive"

Hi! I'm Kathy and have been at Karis Community since April of 2003. I have suffered from depression since the mid 80's and turned to alcohol to numb my feelings. Today I can say I'm a "recovering alcoholic" and that I am learning to deal with my feelings and emotions without numbing the pain. Living in a sober environment has been extremely helpful. When I feel and experience an emotion I don't know how to deal with, I am able to check in with one of the staff. I am learning to feel without turning to isolation and alcohol.>

Living with people who are suffering with depression has been rewarding in the sense that we can help each other through difficult times together. The friendships I'm making today will last a lifetime. Karis has been a "God-send" for me.

My Experience at Karis Community

I came to Karis eight months ago. I was 43 years old and without hope for much of a future. Having been diagnosed as depressed for the past seven years, I had gained little ground in my recovery.

Karis has changed all of that. I've been correctly re-diagnosed as Bipolar, so not only am I finally on the correct medicine, but I'm making strides in learning how to manage my illness. By attending groups in the community, I've learned that I'm not alone in my feelings and challenges. The staff at Karis has had a monumental role in my growth. They have been there to guide, encourage and support me in my journey to become a productive part of society.

When I first came here my therapist said that she would hold onto hope for me until I could find it for myself. She doesn't have to hold onto it anymore. Now I've found it and I'm rejoicing in holding onto hope with both hands.

Never Give Up

By: Sheila

Dear Friends, can you believe it is possible? It has been six months since I transitioned residence from Karis Community to an apartment of my own. Looking back at some of my experiences pre and post community living, I can see more clearly the impact that Karis had and now has on my life.

1. CHORES: Well it's all up to me now…if I don't clean my bathtub, or I don't vacuum my floor and dust my furniture…and on and on…it really bothers me! I became used to mopping the floor, unloading the dishwasher, cooking and much more at Karis. It's almost, if not easy (at least satisfying) to clean my own apartment utilizing the habits established at Karis.

2. RELATIONSHIPS: I didn't know what I had until I didn't have someone there for me 24/7 to keep life in perspective, and to help me when in need. In my new environment, I am forming friendships through church and working as a volunteer, not to forget the support of the Focus Group for Karis graduates. These are definitely carryover skills that I learned through community living.

In summary, Karis is and will always be a part of my life; and for this reason, I am grateful. For me, this gratitude manifests itself in a monthly financial contribution. It is but a small sacrifice and makes me feel terrific knowing that lives are still being touched at Karis Community and I am a part of this process! Never give up…today is always a new day!